Views on Marriage in Different Cultures
Author: Darya Saleh Ismael, University of Kurdistan – Hewler, Kurdistan Region of Iraq
Review/editing: Aaron Rotsinger, University of St Andrews
Situation: Shler is a Kurdish girl from Iraq. She lives in Finland with her family and is used to the lifestyle there. Shler has good connections with people there and is familiar with their culture. One summer she travels to Kurdistan to attend one of her cousin’s weddings. In the family, the girls are expected to marry a close relative. However, the idea seems strange to Shler because she grew up among people from a different culture. At the wedding, her auntie says, “who is the lucky guy in the family that you want to marry?” After they return home, her mother asks “did you get the chance to look for a husband at the wedding?” This puts her under pressure both from her mother and relatives. Shler feels unhappy and stays silent in the family gatherings. Her expressions reflect her confusion as she repeatedly replies, “why is everyone concerned about my marriage?”
Question: What is the cause of the confusion and distance between Shler and her family?
Shler may think of marriage more as a personal decision.
For Shler’s family, cultural differences can mean that one family is right and the other is wrong; but for Shler it just means that there are different ways of understanding family life.
Shler’s family is trying to follow their tradition because they think this is the right thing to do.
Shler feels distant from her family’s culture after living somewhere else for a long time.
Do you think people who grow up in different countries have different views about marriage? What are some examples?
Do you think that you would have a different view on your culture if you were born somewhere else?
Why do you think some families choose to have their daughters marry someone within the extended family?
Why do parents try to influence their children’s decision about marriage?
Why are family traditions important to one person but confusing to another?