Appropriate Language at a Funeral
Author: Lone Bendixen Goulani, University of Kurdistan – Hewler, Kurdistan Region of Iraq
Review/editing: Aaron Rotsinger, University of St Andrews
Situation: Mariwan is a 20-year-old university student who recently relocated to the Kurdistan Region of Iraq with his family. He was born in Germany, and though he understands Sorani, he sometimes makes mistakes when he speaks. One day, his father takes him to a funeral for a distant relative. When they arrive at the mosque, it is already packed with people, and they walk up to the closest family in front of the crowd to offer their condolences. Mariwan kisses each family member on the cheeks and says “Congratulations!” (Bo xotan piroz bet) instead of “|May things become easier for you” (Bo xotan khosh bn). The family gets angry and asks why he is being disrespectful. The other men start looking at them curiously, and Mariwan’s ears turn red from shame. Mariwan’s dad apologises for his son’s behaviour and quickly ushes Mariwan away. When they sit down, he is angry with his son and asks him, “Why did you say that?”
Question: What do you think went wrong in this situation? How could Mariwan, his dad and the family have behaved differently in this situation?
Mariwan got nervous about speaking Sorani because many people were watching him in the mosque.
Mariwan’s father should have taught his son his mother tongue better.
Mariwan’s father should have explained to the family that Mariwan grew up abroad and therefore does not speak Sorani to perfection.
The relatives could have asked why Mariwan said “Congratulations” before getting angry.
Mariwan should have asked his father to practice the accurate condolence phrases before going to the mosque.
What religious or cultural rituals do your family perform when someone passes away?
What expressions do you use to people who have lost a loved one?
How comfortable do you feel about discussing death and burials with friends and family?
What would you like to happen with your body when you pass away?
Have you documented your wishes in a will or other formal document about what you want to happen with your body after your death?