Responding to a Party Invitation
Author: Ritsu Fujii, Kwansei Gakuin University
Review/editing: Aaron Rotsinger, University of St Andrews
Situation: Bob is from Ireland, and he had always dreamed of making many friends in Japan. When he moved there, he felt excited but also nervous because he didn’t speak Japanese fluently. To overcome his loneliness, he started inviting everyone he met by saying, “Come to my house and let’s have a party.” Although the expression sounded odd, he believed it showed his friendly spirit. Several people replied, “行けたら行く(I’ll come if I can),” which he understood as a positive promise to come. Bob was so happy that he cleaned his room, prepared food, and decorated for the party. On the day, he waited eagerly for guests to arrive, imagining joyful conversations. However, no one showed up, and Bob was very disappointed. He started to regret his decision to move to Japan, and he wondered if it was actually possible to make friends with Japanese people.
Question: Why do you think Bob misunderstood the phrase “行けたら行く(I’ll come if I can)”, and how can people avoid similar cultural misunderstandings when making friends in a new country?
Bob did not fully understand Japanese indirect expressions and thought “行けたら行く” was a clear commitment rather than a polite way to decline.
The people he invited felt awkward about rejecting a stranger directly, so they chose this response to avoid hurting his feelings.
Bob’s invitation sounded too informal to some people, making them uncomfortable about attending a party at the house of someone they just met.
Cultural norms in Japan often emphasize harmony and politeness, so people use indirect language even though it can cause misunderstandings.
How could Bob have checked the real meaning of “行けたら行く” before planning the party?
What can we do to avoid feeling hurt when people use polite but unclear expressions?
How can being open-minded help us build trust and better understand cultural differences in the future?